I have a Confession to Make...

Okay. First a necessary precursor: It’s been over TWO months since my last blog post. I could say I was busy shooting the documentary and writing my book. Both excuses are based in partial truth so therefore might sound valid. But let’s also be clear: they’re also Bullshit, just like all excuses known to man. The unfortunate truth is I have an addiction, the satiation of which kept me from releasing this next post, which is actually the topic of the very post itself. How’s that for bitter irony?

Writing these blog posts is kind of like an exercise in cathartic release and psychotherapy. Once I use the digital page to exorcise one of my demons, I can’t exactly fall back on my word? That would make me Queen of the Hypocrites.  

If you've slept with any of the gentlemen pictured here, this blog post is for you!

So perhaps, subconsciously, I needed to go through one last cycle of tempting bad habits. Re-downloading Grindr (after I'd pledged to Never be a Hookup Whore ever again) and meeting up with 20-something prettyboys to gorge my need to feel young, hot and desirable. Getting lazy and eating muffins at Starbucks so that I could get fat again (by my standards), so I’d have an excuse to look down on myself, and blame the problems in my life on not being goodlooking enough. I know it all sounds crazy, but these are the Symptoms of a much more virulent addiction. And it’s one I plan to beat.   

So faithful and patient readers. Without further ado, I have a confession to make.

Bryce Pre-Addiction. He didn't smoke, party or do drugs. But he also never had sex. 

I’ve always put myself on a self-righteous pedestal because I lived my adolescence on the straight-and-arrow. I got straight A’s in the 90s. I didn’t drink or go to parties because I was too busy trying to be Hermione Granger and Alex Trebek's love child (okay Hermione wasn't born when I was in high school, so the idea of her sleeping with a man in his 70s is kind of gross, but you get the point). I’ve always resisted the boozing, drugs and even smoking that tempt mere mortals. 

But then I came out of the closet and you all know what happened there. That’s right, I excavated my deep insecurities and transformed into the delayed douchebag you love (or love to hate) today. Problem is, remember how I said I’m trapped in the third quadrant? The phase where one Makes Up For Lost Time where you trade your self-respect and dignity for a six-pack and high-school hookups. Well here is where I discovered an addiction to Validation (of Sexual Desire). A drug worse than cocaine. 

Stage One Validation Addiction: Former Fatties will know it well.

Anybody cursed with an addiction for validation knows it's pretty simple. 

You look in the mirror and hate what you see. So you go to the gym and pump iron until someone tells you "you're hot." It will start with friends, family and colleagues, but their empty compliments mean nothing, because they're not having sex with you. But eventually you'll start to get attention from randoms in the bar. Or you'll put up hot new pictures on Grindr. And just like magic, you'll start having sex with guys you could never have sex with before. You might wake up feeling empty or shameful you didn't do something more productive. But luckily there's always another sexy hookup to make you escape those shameful thoughts! 

Unfortunately, in Stage One Validation Addiction, you will be plagued by unrelenting Self-Doubt. As you break your routine (and lose your sense of discipline), this can subconsciously lead to Shame-fueling Binge Eating. If it's really bad you might actually get fat again, but, either way, that's what you will see when you look in the mirror. You might think the easy cure is simply getting validated. You could tell me I have a great body and mean it - but guess what, chances are I’ll forget by the next day, when I reach the next hurdle in life. When you’re truly addicted to validation, you keep raising the stakes, eventually adding Body Dysphoria and Perfectionism

Stage Two Validation Addiction: PLAYERS FOR LIFE suffer from this.

In Stage Two Validation Addiction, your self-sabotaging Stockholme Syndrome loses its grip, and you realize Upper Echelon Grindr Hotties can only be attained by going to ridiculous extremes of dieting and exercise. You'll believe you've Raised your Standards and adopt a truly visceral Body Dysmorphia. So when you look in that mirror, you'll still see the Fat Monster you always hated. And thus the Cycle of Validation starts anew, as per above. 

The fact that I decided to pursue a career in entertainment makes my validation addiction cripplingly two-fold. It’s sexual and creative! Basically I either need you to say you desire me or you think I’m brilliant! A daily bout of writer’s block can fuel a sense of creative talentlessness. To escape that feeling, I might try to score a (meaningless) date or hookup. If I fail in that, I'll blame my inch of pinch-able fat. If I succeed I might beat myself up for not being productive.  

The thing with an addiction to validation, there isn’t a set paradigm for curing it. How many validation rehab clinics have you heard of? A 12-step regime or Validation Anonymous? Sure you can spend hundreds on psychotherapy (and believe me I have), but chances are that will only solidify the idea that you're crazy, and make you dependent on Therapeutic Validation.  

Holy Grail Cure for Validation: If either of these Chris' falls in love with you, you can skip my next blog post.

The easy cure for an Addiction to Validation is a deeply fulfilling long-term relationship with a smoking hot Ultimate Catch. That's right, to become an Ultimate Catch, you must earn the love of an Ultimate Catch. He or she will accept you despite your insecurities because in their storied wisdom, they can see your unearthed potential. Because they’ve got a 9 face and 9 body, you’ll actually trust their esteemed judgement. You’ll become the effortlessly confidant hunkosaurus Rex pretty much overnight.

Alas (and this is a good thing), we live in a world where you have to love yourself before you can truly be loved. They call this Self-Validation. Now in lieu of magical, meaningful love from Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, chances are, you’re on your own in the big fight. The good news is once you beat this independently, there’s no going back, grasshopper. But if that Ultimate Catch above turns out to be a Player Douchebag and dumps you, welcome to Validation Addiction!

The bad news is I’m extremely long-winded and a bit of a tease. You’ll have to wait until next week for Bryce’s 12-Step Routine to Beating Validation Addiction.

What I Learned at the Creation Museum!

When I decided to go on a road-trip to the States, I knew I had to make a stop at the Creation Museum. Now why would an openly homosexual lover of science and truth step foot in this house of horrors parading the events of Genesis as history and fact - while busting “myths” like Darwin’s evolutionary blather? Well I am making a documentary about the biology and evolution of homosexuality, so it’s important as an openminded researcher to see what the other guys have to say.

Contrary to popular wisdom, I didn't burn up after passing the gates.

Okkkay, I’ll admit I really just went to scratch my itch for ironic curiosity. This museum had millions poured into it and to be fair, it looks as fabulous as the best of the Smithsonian exhibits in DC. It has dioramas of Eden - where all manners of creatures walk with Adam and Eve, yes including dinosaurs. It also has a to-scale mock-up of Noah’s arc through which you can walk. There’s a time tunnel that visually simulates the six days of God’s creation and explains how the universe only starting aging - after Adam’s sin of course. And it has plenty of colourful and informative timelines dismissing evolutionary thought as Man's Word.  

Hey, today's the 6006th birthday of our existence!

Take that, Darwin.

Sure it’s absolute asinine crazy-town, but maybe if I was raised in a Christian Fundamentalist commune and I only had a double-digit IQ, I might’ve actually been coaxed into believing this stuff was true. The thing is experiencing this museum and seeing droves of pregnant Amish women with scores of impressionable kiddies absorbing this dribble sent real shivers down my spine. Sure I’m there for fun, but these families are to learn about history and science, as told by the Bible. And because the exhibits are so well-produced - and therefore both cool and informative as all museum edutainment should be - these kids are for more to take this crap and lies as fact, informing their world view. How scary is that?

Hey impressionable kids! A model Noah's Ark you can actually explore! Don't worry it could fit the dinosaurs too!

At first I thought they were employees working for the museum... 

So the big question then is how should a guy like me respond? Do you stand for freedom of speech, and tolerate Ken Ham and his church of anti-gay, anti-evolution fantasies, no matter how threatening they may be to human rights? Or do you turn to activism, lobbying against this sort of propaganda, because it’s being used to corrupt innocent minds?

One of the burning paradoxes of history...

... explained!

A lot of my friends cautioned me (and my controversy-seeking drama queen) against voyaging into redneck territory like Kentucky’s Creation Museum, but here’s the thing - it’s not really dangerous territory. The more anti-gay the homophobe, the more oblivious they are to you actually being gay. I could be spitting rainbows, wearing painted on skinnies and blasting Britney from my jeep and these bigots wouldn’t be the wiser, unless I was recreating a barebacking scene from Sodom and Gomorrah. The thing is extreme-ist Christians are trained to take things at face value. Critical, skeptical thinking are tools of the Devil, but they’re the tools you need for reading between the lines and detecting gay people.

I personally wouldn't trust the word of a prop scroll over a dozen textbooks, but then again, I'm a heretic!

The curious thing is they’re not just neutral or tolerant, they’re actually open and kind. They’re courteous, conversational and genuinely interested in what you have to say, because those are the other tenants of being a good Christian. Sure they might’ve made a stoning exhibit out of me if they knew a card-toting homosexual was walking in their midst, so long as they remain blissfully ignorant, I’m perfectly fine they occupy this nook of backwoods Kentucky. Part of being open-minded and a sort of liberal storyteller means accepting all world views and walks of life, even the scary, delusional ones. 

What to Bring on the Trip of a Lifetime

It's not very often that you set out on a cross-country journey to do some proverbial soul searching and hook up with meet and connect with as many sexy guys diverse and interesting people along the way. But for a journey like this one, you must of course be prepared for anything. So here's my necessary checklist of travel items.

MacBook Air

This is a writing adventure after all. I plan to get up at 8am sharp, write for 3-4 hours, then drive and I can't do that without my trusty MacBook Air. If you're reading this Apple - and I get famous - you're welcome for the free product placement.

 Bookkeeping

The boring part, sure, but when we crazies inevitably get into trouble, sponsorship letters from the network and travel insurance are our guardian angels. And dear Revenue Canada, as this is all research for my work, I'll be keeping my receipts.

Artistic fuel

Some artists need drugs; some writers need validation that they're hot. My creativity is tied to my unrelenting quest for beauty. Plus it helps me get laid. You know what Elle Woods said about endorphins.

Overpacked Tickle Trunk

Fitted Lannister T's and Gryffindor ties to prove my geek cred to incredulous power-nerds at conventions and comic/gaming circles. Suits for the meetings I manage to land in LA. As any gay man knows, a multi-faceted wardrobe for all occasions is critical for blending in everywhere.

Inspirational Goods

Part of the creative process is exposing yourself to new things and cribbing them for your own expressive needs. Some people like nature walks and jazz festivals. I do all my best inspirational work playing Mass Effect or Bio-Shock. They're also a healthy antidote to avoiding the Siren's call of country bumpkin fresh meat when I inevitably get addicted to sexual validation (see above).

Support from my Loved Ones

For those lonely nights in when I'm fighting my grinder cravings and Commander Shepherd can't keep me company (cause I don't have an HDMI cable), JLO's adventures taming killer snakes and Sigourney's epic Russian accent will keep me company.

Welcome to THE BRYCE AGE

I’m a writer/filmmaker finally embarking on a real blogging effort. Here I’ll recount my cross-country experiences making my feature documentary, SURVIVAL OF THE FABULOUS for CBC’s Nature of Things, which we’re shooting in Canada, the US, Italy and Samoa! I’ll also document my pratfalls (and hopefully successes) bringing my first-ever book to life: GENEERED, a YA series based on a sci-fi short I sold to Space a few years back. 

Cast of Geneered

  

Now a little about me: I used to be a chunky, uglivious super nerd all through my teenage years and consequently didn’t lose my virginity until the age of 22. Although I missed out on the quintessential high school life of dating and getting invited to parties - instead hosting charity teacher Jeopardy tournaments or staying in for marathons of Star Trek Voyager and Tomb Raider - I luckily discovered I was gay and entered a world where bullying, shallow discrimination and popularity contests never go out of style. After a few insecure years of pumping iron and trying every diet in the book, I transformed myself into a hotter jock. Having survived the life of the insecure loser and discovered a small taste of popularity, I now apply my newfound wisdom into writing, where I can live the high school experience I never had.

Bryce's Transformation

Needless to say I’m obsessed with personal change, character growth and evolution and this blog is gonna be all about that. As I continue to mature, adapt and transform, I’ll chronicle my journeys in Tales of Bryce, where I’ll recount PG-13 versions of my misadventures in achieving my dreams. I’ll also give Bryce Advice along the way for insecure nerds and geeks looking to physically and spiritually transform into hot jock douchebags. But don’t worry, life isn’t all about getting a rocking eight-pack. It’s also about having chiseled pecs - and oooookkkkay, confidence. Sage Wisdom is where you’ll find my thoughtful pearls on everything from the creative power of beauty to assessing what roles your friends will play in the inevitable zombie apocalypse. 

The cool thing is I’m launching this blog when I’m actually embarking on a bonafide JOURNEY, as I drive from Toronto to Texas and out west to California, to stay for a month as I meet producers, and scope out Tinseltown as my eventual final destination. If I don’t get a shotgun beatdown by homophobe rednecks in Kentucky, I’ll document my pratfalls along the way. Just remember, I AM popping my social networking cherry, so if I instagram pictures of my food or obnoxiously tweet quotes from @OnceUponATime, just bare with me!